 |
| Simple Truth But Often Overlooked |
Among the most popular topics that I have everytime I have a coffechat with my close friends is the following:
1. When are you going to find a girlfriend/life partner?
Well, I think this is a normal question posed especially married friends to single people they know of (I think they secretly wants you to feel the pain joy of marriage. I still think that you need to be mentally & financially prepared as you step down the aisle and take up heavy responsibilities. Being single can be fun too!. There is no harm of being single.)
The next question/comment is the one that really PISSED me off and got me to write this post.
2. You should lower down your expectations. Find some 'normal' girls instead of trying to aim for your 'dream' girl. (charateristics/patterns)
Because they are my close friend, I do share with them who is my dream girl that I try to pursue. And they do noticed a few characteristics of the women that I like to pursue-> smart, sociable, good background, etc. One of them is QiQi.
Even those that do not know who the girl is, usually will 'advise' me to lower down my expectation and in my opinion of them - 'simply pick a girl' and settle down. WTF right?!
I don't like to chase a girl just for a sake of finding a gf/activity partner etc. I only chase girl that I have sincere feelings for. Because of this, I am perceived as being choosy.
I know I am not handsome or good looking like Brad Pitt, or damn rich or even a smooth talker. I have alot of in-adequacies and flaws. But nevertheless, all this while, I never ever want to water down my expectations or follow their advice.
WHY?
There are a fundamental reason to it, that I don't really give thought much about it until now.
When people tell you to lower down your expectations of the type of girls you like, what actually happens is that:
THEY ARE TELLING YOU THAT YOU DON'T DESERVE A GIRL (YOUR DREAM GIRL) LIKE HER.
Even though I have alot of inadequacies and flaws, I deserve to pursue my happiness; to try to win the heart of the girls of my dreams. Even though I might get rejected or got friend-zoned that DOES NOT correlated to my 'deserveness' because I worked hard to pursuit her.
WHY I AM PISSED INTERNALLY?!
I don't mind staying single for some time until I find a girl that I like. I am not pissed becaused of that. But I am pissed because I just realized that thru a period of time, if one is not careful the 'you are not worthy' or 'you don't deserve it' mentally can seriously negatively effect your thinking besides relationship.
You can easily led astray and start to think the following 'loser' mentality. (I will tell you why it is a loser mentality)
You don't deserve to be rich...
- because it is not easy to be rich. Not everyone can be rich
- because you need to know people to get the correct connections
- Because you don't have the talents
- Because you are not born lucky.
You don't deserve to get that job promotion or salary increase
- because you are not so talented
- because you might not able to cope with it with increased future responsibilities
You don't deserve to be rich...
- She is too GOOD for you.
- She too pretty, smart, rich than you
- You are damn fugly, short, fat, etc. How can you expect to find an some opposite with you.
Notice all the reasons: All the reasons points a few fundamental things
1) It is the other people thoughts' that is being imposed on you. Imposing on being your 'deserving-ness' to get your goals and happiness. (No one should know better than you that yourself)
2) It is always being passive; It gives the easy way out of not trying to do anything to change your fate/situation and just give up hope. Humans always like to take the easy way out, give up hope and blame the whole universe rather than blame yourself for not even trying.
3) Being asked to lowering your goals/dreams/happiness goals/desires is a slower version of people pouring cold water over you over time. It can kill your desires and hope for a better future. It can lead to serious depression (because you think that you don't have any control over your life. Of course you don't have control if you not doing anything to try to change it. It is like letting your hands off a car steering and expect it to cruise nicely down the highway) and heck even kills you.
So this is the rebuke that I told my friend yesterday:
I WILL continue to pursue high standards for the girls that I want to pursue. The life partner that I want. I will alway try to extend my friendship to them and if they do reject it, it is fine with me. There is no loss or no hard feeling. It is my right to extend my friendship as I am still single (it is not like I am cheating peoples' heart or 'trying to step into a few boats at one time').
In short, I DESERVE to pursuit the girls of my dreams to be happy and because this is what I want.
- I may lose countless battles, but the outcome of the war is uncertain and I will always keep on fighting and doing something to change my fate. I don't want to die standing still doing nothing without a fight!
- I don't wait for all the stars to aligned up in the sky, I move myself to aligned to it. I will make my own opportunities. (That is how I got to know QiQi)
- I apply these in different aspects of my life: work, business, investments. Never stop trying to hit my goals.
KEEP ON FIGHTING!
CARPE DIEM! SEIZE THE DAY!
We All Deserves Happiness!
Kris
Hi Kris, how are you? Wish you all the best! I"m sure you will find your own happiness one day.
For me, I don't have any expectation at all. Maybe I do (internally which I may not aware?) but I don't quantify it. So it just comes to me naturally.